I have taken so many extended hiatuses from this website since the DetroitSportsRag.com debuted in 2003 that whenever I’ve returned from a bender (Hurricane Katrina work; being totally overwhelmed by the awfulness in this town, etc.) that I stopped even giving explanations of why I had disappeared. The whole Jimmy Hoffa act was tired and played out.
In fact, a couple of years ago I hosted Brian Cook of MGoBlog.com on my now defunct Podcast (shocking) and asked the longtime reader of the DSR (which influenced Cook to start his own wildly successful website) how he had so far surpassed my shit blog in popularity and he responded with something along the lines of “Well, I don’t disappear for two years at a time every few years.” Well, that’s one reason. There are probably others.
After the election of Donald Trump last November, I packed it in. Again. The rise to power of this sociopath crushed whatever soul I had (not much) and I knew what was coming next. As wrong as I was about the potential of the Orange Fascist getting elected, I’ve been dead-on on regarding my assessment of what a Trump Presidency would look like.
Utter dysfunction. The appointment of a younger version of Antonin Scalia after the GOP stole a Supreme Court seat from liberals. Backing out of the Paris Climate deal in the midst of news that the planet is going to warm two full degrees by 2100. Hell, shit has been so fucking bad that it was actually GOOD NEWS when Trump nominated Betsy DeVos as Secretary of Education because his first choice (Jerry Falwell, Jr.) was even more horrifying than the pusher of consolidated products.
The only positive about all of the Detroit sports teams currently being hopeless cases is that we’ll all probably be dead soon since an utter buffoon is in control of our energy (Rick Perry — who wanted that department eliminated) and Trump will probably get us all killed in a nuclear war with Iran and North Korea. And I really wanted to see how Isaac Paredes was going to develop!!!
My malaise last fall caused me to stop updating this space. I gave up my successful “radio” program at Podcast Detroit and I ceased to appear on Ryan Schuiling’s low-rated Mid-Michigan sports show (where I was the only draw) due to the host’s infatuation with our alleged sexual assaulter-in-chief.
“10 people in the group liked it.” He wasn’t embarrassed. And it was too soon to make a judgment after “only” four months. And you wonder why I am no longer carrying water for this moron? But this article isn’t about Ryan Schussolini™ (Miguel Lokuta).
Anyway, after about six weeks of depression I started getting the itch to return to writing. But the DSR had been hacked for about the 74th time during its run and I had no stomach to do anything about it. The most recent attack led visitors of this website being inundated with anime porn. Worse yet, I was advised of this development by my MOTHER.
I mean, I am a pretty open person (have you read this site before?) but I really didn’t need to be asked by my mom why the DSR was hosting Japanese cartoon fucking.
At that point I was pretty much done with the DSR and decided to look for another outlet that I didn’t have to maintain myself. Not only did I have the issue of avatar Ichiro banging Kyoko Foduka, I had folks approaching me wanting to advertise on the site. I have zero infrastructure set up for this and really don’t have the time to work my real job, write articles, broadcast Podcasts, fix Asian blowjob spam and also sell ads. Stick a broom up my ass and I can sweep the floor while I am at it.
Based on my well-deserved reputation, I knew it was a long shot to partner up with anyone. But I figured it was worth a Hail Mary pass since I do have a fairly substantial audience plus I had advertisers willing to sponsor my posts — especially on a “legitimate” forum. So I spoke to a friend who writes for a national publication and that person did some research and advised me that it would not be the craziest thing in the world for me to approach the Metro Times.
Based on the numbers my friend was perusing, many of my articles had numbers of views that dwarfed those of articles posted on the Metro Times. In fact, if you go to their website, frequently their most read post is the HOROSCOPES!!!
Now, I was pessimistic about contacting the Metro Times as I had a lousy experience with them the previous year. I was contacted by a writer of theirs in 2015 and was told that the alternative newspaper wanted to do a cover story on me. I was obviously game for this and agreed to an extensive interview. We actually did the first sit-down at a Tim Horton’s in Canton where now-defunct sports radio station 105.1-FM was running a contest to “hire” some new radio talent.
You might remember me “auditioning” for that role while mocking Drew Lane and Matt Dery.
Surprisingly enough, I didn’t win the contest or get the gig.
I even showed up for a subsequent interview at a Starbucks in Bloomfield (Al Kaline was there and everything!!!) for some follow-up questioning. After all of that, the piece never ran. Someone above the writer’s pay grade killed it for reasons I was never told.
So you could understand my trepidation in contacting them about THIS subject. But I was so exasperated with running this website, I thought, fuck it, what do I have to lose? I was also sick of talking to the same people and figured the Metro Times could offer me a new audience. Maybe even some cross-promotion between Monday Morning Mossisms and Savage Love.
I reached out to their new Editor-in-Chief Leyland DeVito — who had returned to the paper to take the position a month earlier — to set up a meeting. If attempting a business relationship with an entity that killed a COVER STORY about me wasn’t a bad enough omen, hooking up with a guy named LEYLAND should have sent me running for zee hills.
(Jim Leyland. Leyland DeVito. Leland Palmer. Maybe everyone with that name is possessed by BOB.)
But I didn’t read the tea leaves. Maybe I should have checked out my Virgo horoscope or some shit.
We met for lunch at Town Tavern in Royal Oak and the guy pulled a Kenny Bania by only ordering some soup. While dining I laid out my idea. I’d bring a much needed sports presence to the Metro Times. I would bring in my OWN sponsors. I would tone down my “act” by removing “cunt” and “fucktard” from my lexicon.
I even offered to write for 30 days gratis to see if the relationship would be beneficial to both parties and then reevaluate at that time. The little hipster seemed to be excited at the proposition (as he should have been). My social media presence dwarfs that of any individual who works there. He even asked me how soon I could start writing. I advised him that I could immediately as I already had a Mike Valenti piece I was sitting on.
DeVito finished his tomato bisque and promised to get back with me after talking to his supervisor who I presumed was the publisher. Like I said, after that meeting I was pretty convinced the trial run was going to commence. What the hell did DeVito have to lose???? This isn’t the New York Times or Wall Street Journal …. they print THIS:
I mean. They couldn’t handle me calling land monster Scott Anderson a virgin hippopotamus?
“Specifically, he wants me to say things like, “lick my fucking pussy, you fucking N-Word.”
THAT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE GEORGE WILL, for Christ’s sake!!!!!!!
Well, a week went by and I didn’t hear from Jim Danny. And then a few more days went by and I still hadn’t heard from this dude. So I decided to email him and ask him what was up.
I received no response. Look, I went into this knowing that it wasn’t the likeliest marriage because of my toxic nature but at the VERY LEAST I expected a yes or no from that spineless miniature weasel.
Instead, this sniveling tiny coward NEVER got back to me. Like, WHO DOES THAT? I even sent this pathetic weakling a DM on Twitter after no response to the email and once again ….. bupkis.
It would have literally taken 30 seconds to respond. I heard through back channels that the idea was killed in Ohio and not locally but, whatever the case may be, a simple response would have been appreciated.
It would appear that everything worked out for the best anyway. Trump’s Presidency started and turned into an absolute disaster in record time. The naming of Special Counsel Robert Mueller coupled with every daily Trump scandal finally snapped me out of my funk.
I am back writing regularly and the Podcasts on Periscope have been easy to produce and have been well received. And starting on September 10th, we will debut the long-promised DSR on Tee-Tee Show on an actual local Detroit station. The official announcement will come later this week.
(As DSR Media Producer BCaveat stated, “I guess Moss decided that 9/11 has suffered enough so he started the show a day earlier.”)
We’re going NxT LvL.
Now if I could just get the writer of the “cover story” (Corey Hall) to finally allow ME to publish his article in this space that the Metro Times murdered, we’d really be talking.
What do you say, Corey?
(You can follow Moss on Twitter @JeffMossDSR. You can discuss this article on Facebook by clicking here. You can also go fuck yourself if you’d like. Totally up to you.)