Introducing My New Bitch: Anthony Fenech

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By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
December 3, 2014

I get a bad rap in this town. Most people familiar with the name “Jiff Myst” think I hate everything and everyone and that I use this platform solely to blast each and every Detroit sports media member.

Hell, just yesterday, one of the local journalists in town whom I actually like BOMBED me on Twitter:

Ya see, people only remember the negative. You Negative Nancies only recall when I blast Drew Sharp, Jeff Seidel, Dr. Football, Vince Ellis, Lynn Henning, Chris McCosky, Chris Idiot, Matthew B. Aggressive Mowery ……

What was I writing? Oh yeah, you Debbie Downers seem to only remember when I post vitriolic messages about Tom Gage, John Lowe, Terry Foster, Matt Dery, Drew Lane, Benedict and the Whale ……

Shit, where was I? Anyway, the point I am TRYING to make is I never get credit for championing the GOOD work of the Detroit Sports Media. I mean, who has been a bigger supporter of Tony Paul of the Detroit News? When I started pointing out that the guy knew his shit and was the most knowledgeable baseball writer in Detroit, he was a NOBODY with like 1,000 Twitter followers.

Now? The guy is hopefully on the cusp of a promotion at his paper; has a regular Tigers radio show on 105.1; and will be covering the Baseball Winter Meetings next week.

I would say it all occurred because of me propping him up, but I am fairly confident that it is actually in spite of my vociferous support.

[And hell, the Winter Meeting working vacation might even be a ruse. I mean, he does have to travel with Officer Barbrady to San Diego.]

For years now I have begged and pleaded on the pages of this websight and on social media for the News to make John Niyo their number one columnist; promote him like he is Mitch Albom of 1989 vintage; and finally come to the realization that Bob Wojnowski handed in his letter of resignation 11 years ago. Nobody has supported Niyo like I have. Not even his wife and 17 children.

And my list of lauded scribes isn’t limited to Niyo and Paul. I have commended the work of Dave Birkett, Josh Katzenbaruchataiadonaielehanumelachhaolamstein, Meinke, Bob Duff, Ansar Khan “Lives With Dad and Mom/ Smokes Pot All Day and He Doesn’t Use a Bong” as well as others.

But I have been typecast as the bully. The dick. The hater. The troll. The dude who is always ripping the work of the lousy so called “journalists” in Detroit. Well, the Rock once told me to “know my role” so if the Vincent Goodwill sneaker fits, I’ll wear it.

Which brings me to this morning’s subject. The fresh meat in Motown. The new third-trimester abortion Tigers beat writer for the Freep, Anthony Fenech. I dislike this punk for so many reasons that I am losing count of them.

First of all, it is an absolute cruel joke that the paper replaced the HORRIBLE John Lowe with this hipster dipshit. These Tigers beat writers have the job security of a Supreme Court Justice (I’m pretty sure Lowe and Gage have been on the beat since Hank Greenberg stepped on the glass at his wedding under the chuppa) and we seem to only get a replacement every other generation.

And sports editor Gene Myers seemingly found a way to replace the old-school imbecile Lowe with the ONE baseball writer under the age of 30 who doesn’t believe in sabermetrics. Don’t believe me? Well, check out this gem from Fenech’s Freep chat yesterday …..

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What does that even mean?!!?!?!? Wouldn’t you want the great player as opposed to the guy who has a CHANCE to be a great hitter? Josh Donaldson is one of the best players in baseball.

A left side of the infield featuring Jose Iglesias and Donaldson would be as impregnable as my wife — who has severed fallopian tubes.

(Oh relax, people. We can do in vitro. Got fifteen grand laying around that I can borrow on that if-come? And my wife thinks IIIIIIIIII am the one with the gambling problem. Hashtag shaking my head.)

If not for Mike Trout, Josh Donaldson would be the league leader in WAR over the last two seasons. Castellanos? Had a WAR of NEGATIVE 1.5 in 2014. He would have to improve his WAR by about 1.5 just to get to Jack Hannahan levels.

Nope. We wouldn’t want to trade Nick and some prospects from our depleted farm system for baseball’s version of Peter Forsberg, now would we? Can we get a DNA test stat on this Fenech shithead to make sure Lynn Henning isn’t the father? How about this other gem from his cyberchat?

Screen Shot 2014-12-02 at 6.37.49 PM So, Cespedes has power. He can field. He has an incredible arm. He doesn’t seem like a good fit to me!!!!!! He’s overrated? By whom? The guy who just said he has power, can field and has an incredible arm? Just shoot me now, please. Is the Detroit Free Press some parallel universe where horrid sports takes go to die?

The Twins just paid $10.5 million for the worst defensive outfielder in baseball — a man who had a WAR of .5 in 2014 and who is turning 40 soon. The only thing the Twins just became is more intolerant of the LGBT lifestyle.  And they are paying through the nose for it.

And keep in mind, Fenech wrote a couple of months ago that he thought the Tigers should keep both Victor Martinez AND Hunter in 2015.

At this point in my diatribe, you might be asking yourself ….. How did this guy get this gig?

Did he attend Harvard, like former Freep baseball writer Pope Jon Paul Morosi? Well, let’s ask Fenech himself ….

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Welp. I guess he didn’t wow Myers with that portion of his resume.

Well, maybe Fenech has an impeccable driving record and the Freep knew they could trust him on road trips when renting a mid-size car from Hertz to drive to Safeco or US Cellular ….

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Yikes. Well, that can’t be it.

So how did Fenech get this coveted job over co-worker George Sipple, who, according to my sources, was pining for it as well?…..

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Oh yeah, that’s right. By doing an end-run, totally brown-nosing his boss and throwing Sipple under the Jerome Bettis.

Sipple was the only other internal candidate that I am aware of and he actually has past experience as a beat writer as he worked MSU athletics before Joe Rexrode.

[Because Trout Forbid the paper go outside its comfort zone and hire a competent baseball writer who doesn’t currently work for the Freep to cover the Tigers. I guess that could only happen if their entire business model wasn’t FUBAR and they could afford that salary.]

So why didn’t the more experienced and tenured Sipple replace Lowe? My sources are telling me that he was never a serious consideration because of his weight issues. Here is a picture of Sipple from the paper …..

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That must be an older picture and I guess Sipple has had to have put on some weight because his doppleganger doesn’t seem to be having any physical trouble as Jimmy Kimmel’s Director of Security.

So let me get this straight. Myers is more worried that the arduous travel schedule of a baseball beat writer might kill Sipple than he is about the dude with the underage drinking and driving conviction getting in a Freep-rented Malibu and maiming someone on a Saturday night?

It sure sounds like discrimination to me. Did Sipple not get this job because of his physical appearance? Remember when that Hooters waitress hired the Bernstein Barristers to sue that fine dining establishment because she couldn’t fit into her skimpy outfit?

Hey, George!!! Better 248-Call-Sam!!!!!

Anyway, I sent an email to Myers looking for some answers ….

Of course, I haven’t received a reply from Myers as of this writing. Although I know he received it because I DID get this …..

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There is nothing more precious or ironic than getting a “No Comment” or a refusal to answer questions from a member of the fourth estate.

Of course, there are other reasons why I can’t stand Fenech. He has the worst Twitter timeline this side of 2012 Terry Foster. It is filled with gems like this …..

“This guy?” That’s Mr. Miss to you.

And how about these doozies where a professional journalist is wishing Tigers prospects a happy birthday on Twitter …..

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Oh, and did I mention that this Gene Myers suck-up also roots for Michigan football and Michigan State basketball? That nugget was exposed back in 2006 (ya know, when the Wolverines were good at football) when Fenech was the call-screener for “Valenti & Foster.”

Which wasn’t too long after Foster stabbed the best man at his wedding (Arthur Regner) in the back and went through backchannels to get his pal’s time slot at WXYT. So I guess Fenech learned how to fuck someone over for a gig during his internship, hence the rotting corpse of Sipple.

And any article about this douche bag would be incomplete without mentioning Fenech’s ridiculous daily Twitter countdown to Opening Day.

Are you a six-year-old counting down the days until St. Nick crawls down your chimney or a beat writer for a major daily? This lunatic is posting this every single fucking day even though most intelligent Tigers fans are happy that their lives aren’t being made miserable every night by this maddening franchise.

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Can someone PLEASE get George Sipple on a fucking treadmill??!?!?!?!?!?!

The job security of a god damn Supreme Court Justice, I tell ya.

Where’s my copy of “The Pelican Brief?”